As a pediatric physical therapist (see article on "Baby Walkers..."), I admit to cringing when I see a child in a baby walker! But having been a parent, I know that there are times when you have to put the baby down in a "safe" place so that you can cook, do the laundry, go to the bathroom, etc.!
The best place to put a baby is on its tummy on the floor, and the second best place is on its tummy in a playpen or play yard/playard. (Later you will be able to seat her in a high chair.) But these options are not always available for all parents. So I accept that walkers and bouncers, swings and infant car seats will be used. The key is that they be used in moderation and with some supervision. In a walker or bouncer, watch that your baby is not continually up on her toes, and in a swing or car seat, she should not be asleep. (Babies should sleep in their cribs.)
What's wrong with using a walker? Millions of kids have used walkers and they turned out fine...
In 1993, the American Academy of Pediatrics called for a ban on the manufacture and sale of baby walkers with wheels. Canada has banned wheeled baby walkers since 2004, after 15 years of retailers voluntarily not selling them. The reason for the ban is due to the danger of injury or death from falling down stairs, being able to reach hot drinks or household poisons, running into heaters or hot stoves, grabbing electrical wires or drapery cords, dragging down tablecloths, tipping over after catching on the edge of a rug or running over a toy, or drowning by tipping into the toilet or falling into a swimming pool.
Well, isn't it common sense to put a gate across the stairs, baby-proof the room by removing objects that can burn or poison, etc.? Unfortunately, "common sense" is an endangered commodity. In the U.S., the solution in 1997 was to establish manufacturer guidelines (not laws, but voluntary guidelines that not all manufacturers follow) to make the walkers wider so that they don't fit through doorways and down the stairs (whose stairs?), to have a wider and deeper tray so babies can't reach beyond them, or having a brake system that stops the walker if all four wheels are not on the floor.
The second reason for the ban is that there is no clear benefit from the use of walkers. Studies have been done that indicate that their use actually delays motor and mental development. I have not seen these studies, but can easily see that a child will develop a dependence on the walker and will not be motivated to sit or walk on his own. Also, the posture a child assumes in a walker is usually not good, which can lead to other problems.
From a normal development point of view, babies do not learn to sit by being assisted in sitting, nor do they learn to walk by assisted walking. If a child has any tendency (genetics, atypical muscle tone, atypical bone and joint development, hyper-stretch reflex, etc.), the overuse of a walker can lead to atypical walking, usually toe-walking. (Toe-walking may be seen in a 3-year old, but should no longer be seen in a 5-year old or older. Toe-walking can be caused by other conditions as well.)
Okay, there is nothing wrong with toe-walking. Most toe-walkers turn out within the wide range of "normal." However, all the kids with autism with whom I have worked were toe-walkers. Most of the kids with learning disabilities were either toe-walkers or early walkers.
Normal development follows a progression where motor control and skills build on earlier development. There are so many building blocks needed for the skill of independent walking (see article "On Walking..."), from head and trunk control, core strength and leg muscle strength, grading of movement (controlled movement with controlled speed), flexibility, proprioception (unconscious body awareness), spatial awareness (awareness of body in space), static and dynamic balance, dissociation (ability of parts of the body to move independently of other parts) and rotation along the spine, lateralization (unconscious awareness of two sides of the body) leading to bilateral coordination, to ... integration of infantile reflexes.
So if you really want to help your baby learn to walk, he needs to start with TUMMY TIME!
And make sure he spends a couple months crawling on hands and knees (before and/or after learning to walk)!
Check out the article by Day2Day Parenting on Walkers, Exersaucers, and Jumpers. In summary, avoid walkers, exersaucers, jumpers, and bouncers, and do not keep the baby in a swing or infant car seat all the time! (Common sense, eh?!)
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Infant & Child Development: Crawling on All-Fours
As a pediatric physical therapist, I have the experience to know the importance of a baby moving through the stage of crawling (or creeping as we like to call it) on all-fours (or quadruped).
The jury is out on this milestone, with studies showing that kids can skip this stage and turn out fine. Fine, I say! Not every kid who skips crawling on all-fours, or every kid who toe-walks, will develop problems later. But almost every kid with dyslexia, with an attention deficit disorder, or with autism, did skip crawling and/or was a toe-walker. Remember that there is a wide range of learning disabilities and of autism, and even "normal" kids may have a touch of a problem. But those with obvious problems missed out on something important. Or is it because of their problems, that they skipped this stage? Either way, we should encourage the crawling experience!
It's been difficult to find an appropriate article, but check out "Crawling and Creeping..."
This is a big deal for pediatric occupational therapists, because they end up treating the kids with learning disabilities and autism.
Crawling on all-fours is an extension of Tummy Time. It further strengthens head and trunk control against gravity (for controlled strength and endurance in sitting, standing, and walking). Weight-bearing through the upper extremities (arms!) improves shoulder girdle strength and control which is essential for fine motor control and visual motor control (eye-hand coordination). Weight-bearing through the arms and legs promotes bone growth and joint development. Weight-bearing on the hands elongates the fingers and stabilizes the wrist, and weight-shifting across the hands leads to dissociation (parts of the body able to function separate from the rest of the body) within the hand and separation of the thumb for finer motor control. Weight-bearing on the hands also normalizes sensory integration (processing and response to sensory input) and provides proprioception (unconscious body awareness). Proprioception is also calming and organizing for the brain. The all-fours position helps to integrate or inhibit the last of the infantile reflexes. It also expands the rib cage for improved respiratory control, leading to speech and language and eating skills!
The position of the head in all-fours stimulates the vestibular system for improved balance and awareness of body in space, and activates the brainstem for self-regulation (you may see greater emotional responses at this time).
The crawling on all-fours movement promotes dissociation within the trunk and lateralization for bilateral integration (awareness and coordination between the two sides of the body) needed for eye tracking left to right, crossing midline (eyes and hands), and hand dominance, which are all skills necessary for reading and writing. Transitioning to and from sit (through rotation) leads to improved grading (controlled movement with controlled speed) and along with bilateral coordination leads to a sense of rhythm, space, and timing. As the baby crawls towards objects and absorbs time and distance, they develop binocular vision and depth perception. Repetition of movement stimulates and organizes the brain for cognitive processes such as comprehension, memory, and concentration/attention.
Crawling on all-fours also develops self-identity and independence, and through exploration of her environment, the baby is learning, learning, learning!
I may have simplified things a bit. Perhaps there are other ways that babies can develop all these "building blocks." But it seems so much simpler to give babies the experience of crawling on all-fours to better prepare them for continued "normal" development.
There are even adult fitness programs that are incorporating crawling, not only for strength and mobility, but to "improve the ability to think, focus, and reason!"
The jury is out on this milestone, with studies showing that kids can skip this stage and turn out fine. Fine, I say! Not every kid who skips crawling on all-fours, or every kid who toe-walks, will develop problems later. But almost every kid with dyslexia, with an attention deficit disorder, or with autism, did skip crawling and/or was a toe-walker. Remember that there is a wide range of learning disabilities and of autism, and even "normal" kids may have a touch of a problem. But those with obvious problems missed out on something important. Or is it because of their problems, that they skipped this stage? Either way, we should encourage the crawling experience!
It's been difficult to find an appropriate article, but check out "Crawling and Creeping..."
This is a big deal for pediatric occupational therapists, because they end up treating the kids with learning disabilities and autism.
Crawling on all-fours is an extension of Tummy Time. It further strengthens head and trunk control against gravity (for controlled strength and endurance in sitting, standing, and walking). Weight-bearing through the upper extremities (arms!) improves shoulder girdle strength and control which is essential for fine motor control and visual motor control (eye-hand coordination). Weight-bearing through the arms and legs promotes bone growth and joint development. Weight-bearing on the hands elongates the fingers and stabilizes the wrist, and weight-shifting across the hands leads to dissociation (parts of the body able to function separate from the rest of the body) within the hand and separation of the thumb for finer motor control. Weight-bearing on the hands also normalizes sensory integration (processing and response to sensory input) and provides proprioception (unconscious body awareness). Proprioception is also calming and organizing for the brain. The all-fours position helps to integrate or inhibit the last of the infantile reflexes. It also expands the rib cage for improved respiratory control, leading to speech and language and eating skills!
The position of the head in all-fours stimulates the vestibular system for improved balance and awareness of body in space, and activates the brainstem for self-regulation (you may see greater emotional responses at this time).
The crawling on all-fours movement promotes dissociation within the trunk and lateralization for bilateral integration (awareness and coordination between the two sides of the body) needed for eye tracking left to right, crossing midline (eyes and hands), and hand dominance, which are all skills necessary for reading and writing. Transitioning to and from sit (through rotation) leads to improved grading (controlled movement with controlled speed) and along with bilateral coordination leads to a sense of rhythm, space, and timing. As the baby crawls towards objects and absorbs time and distance, they develop binocular vision and depth perception. Repetition of movement stimulates and organizes the brain for cognitive processes such as comprehension, memory, and concentration/attention.
Crawling on all-fours also develops self-identity and independence, and through exploration of her environment, the baby is learning, learning, learning!
I may have simplified things a bit. Perhaps there are other ways that babies can develop all these "building blocks." But it seems so much simpler to give babies the experience of crawling on all-fours to better prepare them for continued "normal" development.
There are even adult fitness programs that are incorporating crawling, not only for strength and mobility, but to "improve the ability to think, focus, and reason!"
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Infant & Child Development: Tummy Time
As a pediatric physical therapist, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of TUMMY TIME!
In 1992 the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that babies sleep on their backs to reduce the number of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) cases, with its "Back to Sleep" campaign. Belatedly, in 2000 they have added "Tummy to Play." So: "Back to Sleep, Tummy to Play."
I won't argue against the recommendation for "back to sleep," but normal infant and child development starts on the tummy; right away. After months of being mostly flexed forward in the womb, the baby needs to work against gravity and develop core strength (head and trunk control). You know the plank position and its importance for core stability? Tummy time is the plank position of babies, and after a while, they will be able to hold the yoga plank position!
There are the standard reasons for tummy time, such as reducing plagiocephaly (skull flattened in the back) and bald spots. But another important reason is to allow normal development through head control against gravity, turning of the head, core strengthening, upper extremity strengthening and control for pushing up, rolling to the side and eventually rolling from back to front (using abdominal strength), lifting the arms to reach for then play with toys, pivoting on the stomach, belly crawling, pushing up into all fours and rocking, crawling/creeping on all fours, transitioning from all fours into side sit and sitting, pulling to kneel, pulling to stand, cruising along the coffee table, and walking with a push toy (or laundry basket!). All of these activities work on the "building blocks" needed for independent walking, as well as for fine motor control, speech and language development, learning skills, binocular vision, visual motor or eye-hand coordination, sensory integration (normalizing the processing and response to sensory input), and even rhythm!
Check out the post on Walkers to read about the building blocks of walking.
There are many websites about tummy time, many with hints to make it easier for babies who fuss. I like the article by The Bump. Note that your goal should be at least 20-30 minutes/day by 3-4 months of age.
In 1992 the American Academy of Pediatrics recommended that babies sleep on their backs to reduce the number of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) cases, with its "Back to Sleep" campaign. Belatedly, in 2000 they have added "Tummy to Play." So: "Back to Sleep, Tummy to Play."
I won't argue against the recommendation for "back to sleep," but normal infant and child development starts on the tummy; right away. After months of being mostly flexed forward in the womb, the baby needs to work against gravity and develop core strength (head and trunk control). You know the plank position and its importance for core stability? Tummy time is the plank position of babies, and after a while, they will be able to hold the yoga plank position!
There are the standard reasons for tummy time, such as reducing plagiocephaly (skull flattened in the back) and bald spots. But another important reason is to allow normal development through head control against gravity, turning of the head, core strengthening, upper extremity strengthening and control for pushing up, rolling to the side and eventually rolling from back to front (using abdominal strength), lifting the arms to reach for then play with toys, pivoting on the stomach, belly crawling, pushing up into all fours and rocking, crawling/creeping on all fours, transitioning from all fours into side sit and sitting, pulling to kneel, pulling to stand, cruising along the coffee table, and walking with a push toy (or laundry basket!). All of these activities work on the "building blocks" needed for independent walking, as well as for fine motor control, speech and language development, learning skills, binocular vision, visual motor or eye-hand coordination, sensory integration (normalizing the processing and response to sensory input), and even rhythm!
Check out the post on Walkers to read about the building blocks of walking.
There are many websites about tummy time, many with hints to make it easier for babies who fuss. I like the article by The Bump. Note that your goal should be at least 20-30 minutes/day by 3-4 months of age.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Last Wishes
One of the risks of any surgery is death. This makes one think. One is rarely prepared for death, but we can make some plans.
I want to make some requests beyond that of my Living Will. There is no need to prolong my life at the risk of my becoming a burden to you, the family. I will die happy, having lived a full life, much of it thanks to you, my family.
Remember that if I die at home, the first thing you must do is call the police/coroner. Yes, we live in a sort of a "police state," and if you don't get that official piece of paper, the death certificate, things can get very difficult. If I die in a hospital, the doctor can take care of that. If I am in the hospital, you can have my organs harvested.
Upon my death, please have my remains immediately cremated. You will need to contact a funeral director to do that. Do not bother with any special container, a brown paper bag will do. It doesn’t matter where you spread my ashes, as long as they go back into the earth. Just dig a hole and bury them! Do not place a plaque at any site.
Inform my mother, and ask if she wants to inform the rest of my family. Inform your own family as you wish. Inform Marylee Lewis, and she will spread the word! Inform Karen Carr Hopkins and she can spread the word. Make a note on my Facebook page.
I do not wish to have any memorial service, but here it is more important that the survivors have what they/you need and would prefer. Instead, if an obituary is printed in the newspaper, it will also be online and have a place for comments. (If you want to have a service, I suggest going to St. Paul’s Catholic Church in Jacksonville Beach, FL. I have continued to send offerings there, so they should provide the service. No longer applies!)
You already know NOT to have the hymn “Amazing Grace” played at my service. Here are some suggestions.
Entrance Song: “Here I Am Lord”
1st Reading: Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
2nd Reading: Second Letter of Saint Paul to Timothy 4:6-8
Gospel: Matthew 25:31-46
Liturgy of the Word Responsorial: “Create in Me a Clean Heart”
Eucharist Song: “Let There Be Peace on Earth” (my favorite hymn)
and “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee”
Closing Song: “On Eagle’s Wings”
In lieu of flowers: spend time with family, enjoy nature, donate to your own preferred charity or cause.
I have collected a lot of "collectibles," but nothing of any great value. If you will not derive any enjoyment from them, give them away. Someone else can enjoy them.
http://www.unclefed.com/AuthorsRow/Newland/pass_on.html
I want to make some requests beyond that of my Living Will. There is no need to prolong my life at the risk of my becoming a burden to you, the family. I will die happy, having lived a full life, much of it thanks to you, my family.
Remember that if I die at home, the first thing you must do is call the police/coroner. Yes, we live in a sort of a "police state," and if you don't get that official piece of paper, the death certificate, things can get very difficult. If I die in a hospital, the doctor can take care of that. If I am in the hospital, you can have my organs harvested.
Upon my death, please have my remains immediately cremated. You will need to contact a funeral director to do that. Do not bother with any special container, a brown paper bag will do. It doesn’t matter where you spread my ashes, as long as they go back into the earth. Just dig a hole and bury them! Do not place a plaque at any site.
Inform my mother, and ask if she wants to inform the rest of my family. Inform your own family as you wish. Inform Marylee Lewis, and she will spread the word! Inform Karen Carr Hopkins and she can spread the word. Make a note on my Facebook page.
I do not wish to have any memorial service, but here it is more important that the survivors have what they/you need and would prefer. Instead, if an obituary is printed in the newspaper, it will also be online and have a place for comments. (
You already know NOT to have the hymn “Amazing Grace” played at my service. Here are some suggestions.
Entrance Song: “Here I Am Lord”
1st Reading: Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
2nd Reading: Second Letter of Saint Paul to Timothy 4:6-8
Gospel: Matthew 25:31-46
Liturgy of the Word Responsorial: “Create in Me a Clean Heart”
Eucharist Song: “Let There Be Peace on Earth” (my favorite hymn)
and “Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee”
Closing Song: “On Eagle’s Wings”
In lieu of flowers: spend time with family, enjoy nature, donate to your own preferred charity or cause.
I have collected a lot of "collectibles," but nothing of any great value. If you will not derive any enjoyment from them, give them away. Someone else can enjoy them.
http://www.unclefed.com/AuthorsRow/Newland/pass_on.html
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Marriage 101
Ha, I am no expert. But I do have some experience. And I have listened to countless complaints from others.
I want to insert here my theory on the continuum of humanity. If you look at DNA and genomes, there are nearly an infinite variety of combinations. Thus, while hair color can come in so many variations, so can one’s sexual orientation. There may be an ideal “Man” and an ideal “Woman,” but more likely there is an average “Man” and an average “Woman.” The rest of us fit somewhere on this infinite continuum. Most of us have some female and some male traits. Some of us may have enough of the opposite sex traits that we are termed homosexual. But even among homosexuals, there is a great variation.
So there is my biological explanation of homosexuality and here is my caution that you cannot compare yourself easily with other people. Each of us is unique, and our relationships are unique.
Marriage Myth? Each partner must put 50% into the relationship.
No, ideally, each person should put in 100%. Of course, things not being perfect, neither partner is usually able to put in 100%. And since things are not black & white, there is an ebb and flow to the relationship where the percentages are constantly changing. So you must accept that there are times when one partner is “giving” more than the other.
Marriage Myth? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Actually, there is a lot of truth in this statement. But again we must look at the continuum of humanity, and that some of us have traits from the opposite sex. So there are females who like to solve problems and males who like to nurture. However, there will be differences in communication. For some reason, this has not become common knowledge and remains in the field of psycho-babble. So it takes a good counselor to sort things out if a couple can’t figure it out on their own time.
*Communication:
A common complaint is that a woman will say her husband doesn’t support her. Make her be more specific, and she will say he does not hug her when she is sad and he does not listen when she is angry. Actually you need to make her be even more specific, because…
When the husband hears he doesn’t support his wife, he says that hey, he does support her - he goes to work and brings home the income to pay for things she wants, to raise the kids, etc. His definition of support is totally different than hers. Then tell him he doesn’t hug her when she is sad or listen when she is angry, and he will respond that he has no idea when she is sad or angry. So whichever partner this may be, you have to be very specific in communicating your wants and needs. You need to say you are feeling sad today and need a hug. Then hubby can solve the problem and give you the hug. Say you have something to vent and will he just sit and listen while you get it off your chest? The husband now needs to learn to sit and listen, without judging and sometimes without giving a solution to the problem (which he may be wont to do). The husband may be surprised that after you have talked out your anger, the problem is gone! You didn’t need money or an answer, just someone to listen! Hopefully husbands will learn how easy it is to “support” his partner, by just listening and doling out hugs. Okay, maybe some partners will want more than that, and maybe some wives do want just the money, but they need to communicate that. Also, guys, when you are listening to your spouse, try to maintain some eye contact with her. Girls, if it appears that he is not paying attention, and is doodling, drumming his fingers, or staring off into space, he may really be listening. Learn how he listens.
A common complaint is that a man will say his wife doesn’t support him... What?! says the wife, I cook his meals and clean the house, take care of the kids; I’m always supporting him. I listen to his complaints about work and hug him when he is sad. Women tend to give a lot. But that is not what the man wants. His idea of support is for his wife to leave him alone in his cave to stew over and solve his own problems. Oh, in today’s world, that means allow him to “veg” in front of the TV. Once women understand why men sit in front of TVs, they will allow them to do so more often. As long as women think men are ignoring their wives by sitting in front of the TV, they will resist the whole TV idea. And by resisting the TV idea, they may be sabotaging the relationship.
The above examples have the average women and men roles being played, but the roles are likely to be different in your individual relationships. That is why clear communication is important. Assume nothing. You cannot assume your partner knows what to do, even though it seems so obvious in your own mind. He/she cannot read your mind. You have to be very specific about your wants and needs. You can’t use general words like love and support.
Marriage/relationships require a lot of work and communication. Can I throw in a monkey wrench? Don’t think that because today you learned to give a hug, or to give space by allowing TV watching, that the same technique will work in the future! Relationships ebb and flow, and who knows, the person may change and require something different. But if he is specific in his communication, then there should be little problem.
However, there are certain things that are not acceptable in relationships. If your spouse specifies he wants to whip you with a belt, or that she needs more cocaine, perhaps it is time to end the relationship. Only you can decide the limits you will put on a relationship.
Above all else, it is said you cannot change another person, you can only change your reaction/toleration/acceptance of that person. If you do not like your partner’s drug or alcohol problem, you are not going to change it. Only that person can change it. If he/she is not making the effort, then you have all rights to leave the relationship. Some people can change themselves to accept a drug addict or alcoholic (they must be extremely nurturing), but most of us cannot.
One more kicker: mood (or affective) disorders. I do not know the answer as to why there are so many people with mood disorders in today’s world. Yes, they did occur before the world became industrialized, but not in the numbers we see today. I also cannot understand why mood disorders have not become common knowledge, but also hide in the world of psycho-babble. On the continuum of humanity, we all have a little mood disorder in us! In the normal world, we can get depressed, and after a couple days we get over it and carry on. That means that some episode sent some of our neurotransmitters in our brain out of whack. Normally our body can restore the balance and restore our normal mood. However, if our body cannot restore the balance, then we have an illness. If your body cannot maintain an insulin balance, then you have the illness of diabetes. If your body cannot maintain a neurotransmitter balance, then you have a mood illness. This should be treated medically.
You can have a hereditary tendency towards a mood disorder. Again, the variation in disorders or the relative stress-level in your life can decide the severity of your disorder. I am not going to assume you need treatment. But if your persistent mood is affecting your quality of life, perhaps it is time to seek help. I, nor your spouse, can make you seek treatment. This has to be your decision.
Would you believe many marriages could have been saved if the antidepressant Prozac was easily available? We tend to get irritated by little things our partners do, and if that persists, it leads to divorce. But a little antidepressant helps balance our mood, meaning we aren’t so easily irritated and all is okay. Don’t you ever wonder why something that never used to bother you about your partner, now bothers you terribly? Why the change? Why do we now remember the 100 times in the past that this something occurred and we are now bothered by it? Or are more irritated by it? It’s our brain that is different - those neurotransmitters are in a different balance and setting us off. What do you want your normal to be? Easily irritated or go with the flow? Seeking medical treatment helps you to cope and go with the flow. There is so much stress in our lives today, some of us need some help.
In conclusion, marriage takes a lot of work. Communication is key, and you can never assume your partner knows what you are thinking. If you need some extra help, get it.
Why do so many arranged marriages work? The individuals come to the relationship expecting to have to work at it and expecting that they will have to tolerate some quirks. Often these couples have so much in common (culture, for example) that it is easier when the situation is the couple versus the world. When does it not work? Usually when one of the partnership is inherently evil! (Okay, maybe that is a bit extreme...)
I want to insert here my theory on the continuum of humanity. If you look at DNA and genomes, there are nearly an infinite variety of combinations. Thus, while hair color can come in so many variations, so can one’s sexual orientation. There may be an ideal “Man” and an ideal “Woman,” but more likely there is an average “Man” and an average “Woman.” The rest of us fit somewhere on this infinite continuum. Most of us have some female and some male traits. Some of us may have enough of the opposite sex traits that we are termed homosexual. But even among homosexuals, there is a great variation.
So there is my biological explanation of homosexuality and here is my caution that you cannot compare yourself easily with other people. Each of us is unique, and our relationships are unique.
Marriage Myth? Each partner must put 50% into the relationship.
No, ideally, each person should put in 100%. Of course, things not being perfect, neither partner is usually able to put in 100%. And since things are not black & white, there is an ebb and flow to the relationship where the percentages are constantly changing. So you must accept that there are times when one partner is “giving” more than the other.
Marriage Myth? Men are from Mars and women are from Venus.
Actually, there is a lot of truth in this statement. But again we must look at the continuum of humanity, and that some of us have traits from the opposite sex. So there are females who like to solve problems and males who like to nurture. However, there will be differences in communication. For some reason, this has not become common knowledge and remains in the field of psycho-babble. So it takes a good counselor to sort things out if a couple can’t figure it out on their own time.
*Communication:
A common complaint is that a woman will say her husband doesn’t support her. Make her be more specific, and she will say he does not hug her when she is sad and he does not listen when she is angry. Actually you need to make her be even more specific, because…
When the husband hears he doesn’t support his wife, he says that hey, he does support her - he goes to work and brings home the income to pay for things she wants, to raise the kids, etc. His definition of support is totally different than hers. Then tell him he doesn’t hug her when she is sad or listen when she is angry, and he will respond that he has no idea when she is sad or angry. So whichever partner this may be, you have to be very specific in communicating your wants and needs. You need to say you are feeling sad today and need a hug. Then hubby can solve the problem and give you the hug. Say you have something to vent and will he just sit and listen while you get it off your chest? The husband now needs to learn to sit and listen, without judging and sometimes without giving a solution to the problem (which he may be wont to do). The husband may be surprised that after you have talked out your anger, the problem is gone! You didn’t need money or an answer, just someone to listen! Hopefully husbands will learn how easy it is to “support” his partner, by just listening and doling out hugs. Okay, maybe some partners will want more than that, and maybe some wives do want just the money, but they need to communicate that. Also, guys, when you are listening to your spouse, try to maintain some eye contact with her. Girls, if it appears that he is not paying attention, and is doodling, drumming his fingers, or staring off into space, he may really be listening. Learn how he listens.
A common complaint is that a man will say his wife doesn’t support him... What?! says the wife, I cook his meals and clean the house, take care of the kids; I’m always supporting him. I listen to his complaints about work and hug him when he is sad. Women tend to give a lot. But that is not what the man wants. His idea of support is for his wife to leave him alone in his cave to stew over and solve his own problems. Oh, in today’s world, that means allow him to “veg” in front of the TV. Once women understand why men sit in front of TVs, they will allow them to do so more often. As long as women think men are ignoring their wives by sitting in front of the TV, they will resist the whole TV idea. And by resisting the TV idea, they may be sabotaging the relationship.
The above examples have the average women and men roles being played, but the roles are likely to be different in your individual relationships. That is why clear communication is important. Assume nothing. You cannot assume your partner knows what to do, even though it seems so obvious in your own mind. He/she cannot read your mind. You have to be very specific about your wants and needs. You can’t use general words like love and support.
Marriage/relationships require a lot of work and communication. Can I throw in a monkey wrench? Don’t think that because today you learned to give a hug, or to give space by allowing TV watching, that the same technique will work in the future! Relationships ebb and flow, and who knows, the person may change and require something different. But if he is specific in his communication, then there should be little problem.
However, there are certain things that are not acceptable in relationships. If your spouse specifies he wants to whip you with a belt, or that she needs more cocaine, perhaps it is time to end the relationship. Only you can decide the limits you will put on a relationship.
Above all else, it is said you cannot change another person, you can only change your reaction/toleration/acceptance of that person. If you do not like your partner’s drug or alcohol problem, you are not going to change it. Only that person can change it. If he/she is not making the effort, then you have all rights to leave the relationship. Some people can change themselves to accept a drug addict or alcoholic (they must be extremely nurturing), but most of us cannot.
One more kicker: mood (or affective) disorders. I do not know the answer as to why there are so many people with mood disorders in today’s world. Yes, they did occur before the world became industrialized, but not in the numbers we see today. I also cannot understand why mood disorders have not become common knowledge, but also hide in the world of psycho-babble. On the continuum of humanity, we all have a little mood disorder in us! In the normal world, we can get depressed, and after a couple days we get over it and carry on. That means that some episode sent some of our neurotransmitters in our brain out of whack. Normally our body can restore the balance and restore our normal mood. However, if our body cannot restore the balance, then we have an illness. If your body cannot maintain an insulin balance, then you have the illness of diabetes. If your body cannot maintain a neurotransmitter balance, then you have a mood illness. This should be treated medically.
You can have a hereditary tendency towards a mood disorder. Again, the variation in disorders or the relative stress-level in your life can decide the severity of your disorder. I am not going to assume you need treatment. But if your persistent mood is affecting your quality of life, perhaps it is time to seek help. I, nor your spouse, can make you seek treatment. This has to be your decision.
Would you believe many marriages could have been saved if the antidepressant Prozac was easily available? We tend to get irritated by little things our partners do, and if that persists, it leads to divorce. But a little antidepressant helps balance our mood, meaning we aren’t so easily irritated and all is okay. Don’t you ever wonder why something that never used to bother you about your partner, now bothers you terribly? Why the change? Why do we now remember the 100 times in the past that this something occurred and we are now bothered by it? Or are more irritated by it? It’s our brain that is different - those neurotransmitters are in a different balance and setting us off. What do you want your normal to be? Easily irritated or go with the flow? Seeking medical treatment helps you to cope and go with the flow. There is so much stress in our lives today, some of us need some help.
In conclusion, marriage takes a lot of work. Communication is key, and you can never assume your partner knows what you are thinking. If you need some extra help, get it.
Why do so many arranged marriages work? The individuals come to the relationship expecting to have to work at it and expecting that they will have to tolerate some quirks. Often these couples have so much in common (culture, for example) that it is easier when the situation is the couple versus the world. When does it not work? Usually when one of the partnership is inherently evil! (Okay, maybe that is a bit extreme...)
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Laundry - Stains
Ball point ink stains:
Pour rubbing alcohol on the stain, then scrub.
Blood stains:
With fresh blood stains, immediately put in cold water and scrub. If that doesn't do the trick, or the stain is old, pour hydrogen peroxide on the stain to cover it and let it bubble. Scrub and rinse, then wash in the laundry after the stain is gone.
Pour rubbing alcohol on the stain, then scrub.
Blood stains:
With fresh blood stains, immediately put in cold water and scrub. If that doesn't do the trick, or the stain is old, pour hydrogen peroxide on the stain to cover it and let it bubble. Scrub and rinse, then wash in the laundry after the stain is gone.
Vacuuming
A lesson in using a vacuum cleaner?
1) Vacuuming posture; just like throwing a ball, you should have one foot in front of the other! If you push the vacuum forward and back with your right hand, place your left foot forward and rock back and forth from forward to back foot. Tighten your tummy muscles, but keep breathing!
2) Vacuuming carpets: it is said you need to vacuum 3-5 times over the same area of the carpet to get it clean. Think of the first run for loosening dirt, the second to suck up the dirt and loosen some more, and the third to get more dirt. Obviously the more times the better, but who has time? Also, like mowing the lawn, you need to overlap runs, to make sure you are reaching all areas. So what I do is to overlap half the run. That way each section gets double coverage and if I do only two runs per section, that means each area gets four runs of vacuuming. If I have time, I will do three or four runs for more thorough cleaning.
3) I just cleaned an apartment that had a one-inch wide swath of dirt around all edges of the room. You have to use the proper tool to get the edges of a room, the vacuum head won't reach.
4) After vacuuming, you have to clean the vacuum! Check the bottom of the brushes and rollers, and pick out all the dust and hair that you can see. Vacuum the brushes and rollers. Dust and lint on the brushes will decrease the amount they can pick up. Hair and pieces of string wound up in the rollers will decrease efficiency of the vacuum. If the bottom of the vacuum cleaner is full of dust, get a damp cloth and wipe it off. Why spread around more dust?
5) Vacuum cleaner bags. Of course, when they are full you need to replace them. Otherwise you are not only no longer collecting dirt, you are more likely to be spreading dirt. HEPA bags or not? Unless you truly have allergies, don't waste your money on the special bags. Just get the regular kind and change them as needed. Also, whenever changing the vacuum cleaner bag, you should probably wipe out the canister with a damp cloth.
1) Vacuuming posture; just like throwing a ball, you should have one foot in front of the other! If you push the vacuum forward and back with your right hand, place your left foot forward and rock back and forth from forward to back foot. Tighten your tummy muscles, but keep breathing!
2) Vacuuming carpets: it is said you need to vacuum 3-5 times over the same area of the carpet to get it clean. Think of the first run for loosening dirt, the second to suck up the dirt and loosen some more, and the third to get more dirt. Obviously the more times the better, but who has time? Also, like mowing the lawn, you need to overlap runs, to make sure you are reaching all areas. So what I do is to overlap half the run. That way each section gets double coverage and if I do only two runs per section, that means each area gets four runs of vacuuming. If I have time, I will do three or four runs for more thorough cleaning.
3) I just cleaned an apartment that had a one-inch wide swath of dirt around all edges of the room. You have to use the proper tool to get the edges of a room, the vacuum head won't reach.
4) After vacuuming, you have to clean the vacuum! Check the bottom of the brushes and rollers, and pick out all the dust and hair that you can see. Vacuum the brushes and rollers. Dust and lint on the brushes will decrease the amount they can pick up. Hair and pieces of string wound up in the rollers will decrease efficiency of the vacuum. If the bottom of the vacuum cleaner is full of dust, get a damp cloth and wipe it off. Why spread around more dust?
5) Vacuum cleaner bags. Of course, when they are full you need to replace them. Otherwise you are not only no longer collecting dirt, you are more likely to be spreading dirt. HEPA bags or not? Unless you truly have allergies, don't waste your money on the special bags. Just get the regular kind and change them as needed. Also, whenever changing the vacuum cleaner bag, you should probably wipe out the canister with a damp cloth.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Safety - Alone in a Parking Lot or Parking Garage
On the one hand, they say to park far away from your destination, in order to get exercise walking the distance between. Depends on the area and how well you know it.
However, when it is dark, park as close as you can and in a well-lighted area. No valuables should be visible in the car. Lock the car doors.
When alone, use the elevator instead of the stairs.
A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, and in the back seat. The less clutter there is in your car, the easier it will be to note that something is wrong.
b) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. You could be pulled into a van while attempting to get into the car.
d) Have your car keys out and ready before you reach your car.
e) Once in your car, lock the doors and leave. Do not sit and organize your purse or check the receipts, etc.
The main thing is to be alert and aware of your surroundings. Keep an eye on suspicious-looking people, and be ready to run or scream. Hopefully you will at least be able to get into your car, lock the doors, and drive off.
However, when it is dark, park as close as you can and in a well-lighted area. No valuables should be visible in the car. Lock the car doors.
When alone, use the elevator instead of the stairs.
A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a) Be aware: look around you, look into your car, and in the back seat. The less clutter there is in your car, the easier it will be to note that something is wrong.
b) If you are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. You could be pulled into a van while attempting to get into the car.
d) Have your car keys out and ready before you reach your car.
e) Once in your car, lock the doors and leave. Do not sit and organize your purse or check the receipts, etc.
The main thing is to be alert and aware of your surroundings. Keep an eye on suspicious-looking people, and be ready to run or scream. Hopefully you will at least be able to get into your car, lock the doors, and drive off.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Internet Safety
Supposedly the techno-savvy younger generation is educating their elders about internet security, but the techno-savvy generation seems to make mistakes...
You hear that prospective employees and college counselors and whoever may be important to your future is able to look at your MySpace and Facebook pages to get an idea (realistic or not) about your personality and work ethics.
So why aren't you cleaning up your pages? So what if it's someone else posting those dirty jokes and questionable pictures. Take a gander, then delete it. And what is it with all these pictures of people holding glasses and cups, doing gang signs, and making faces? If you are getting your picture taken, whether at a bar or at a wedding, put that glass down!!
Okay, now what about your kids?
1) Keep the computer in a common area. (Your kids should just assume that you can look over their shoulders at any time, and they should be able to look over yours...)
2) Monitor your child's activity online.
3) Install and use parent-control software to limit access. You might like to know what kind of access their friends have.
4) Know who their online friends are.
5) Disable the webcam.
6) Don't give a child a cell phone with a camera and Internet access.
7) Educate your child about online hazards.
a) Once online, an embarrassing photo or message cannot be reversed, and may become public.
b) Predators can find you online, on social networks, chat rooms, and gaming sites.
8) Set rules:
a) Never give out full name, address, city of residence, phone numbers, name or location of school, or age to anyone. If "Grandma" wants that information, she should be asking the parent. (I.e., it may not be "Grandma" who is asking.)
b) Never post or upload (or download) anything online that they wouldn't want to be seen on the front page of the newspaper.
c) Never send pictures of themselves online to people they don't know.
d) Never respond to (or initiate in anger) any messages that are belligerent, harassing, obscene, or
suggestive.
e) Never meet face-to-face with someone they meet online.
9) Encourage civil behavior. Be nice, or if you can't think of anything nice to say, say nothing at all. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
10) Encourage critical thinking. Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Be wary of strangers and their offer of money, gifts, etc.
You hear that prospective employees and college counselors and whoever may be important to your future is able to look at your MySpace and Facebook pages to get an idea (realistic or not) about your personality and work ethics.
So why aren't you cleaning up your pages? So what if it's someone else posting those dirty jokes and questionable pictures. Take a gander, then delete it. And what is it with all these pictures of people holding glasses and cups, doing gang signs, and making faces? If you are getting your picture taken, whether at a bar or at a wedding, put that glass down!!
Okay, now what about your kids?
1) Keep the computer in a common area. (Your kids should just assume that you can look over their shoulders at any time, and they should be able to look over yours...)
2) Monitor your child's activity online.
3) Install and use parent-control software to limit access. You might like to know what kind of access their friends have.
4) Know who their online friends are.
5) Disable the webcam.
6) Don't give a child a cell phone with a camera and Internet access.
7) Educate your child about online hazards.
a) Once online, an embarrassing photo or message cannot be reversed, and may become public.
b) Predators can find you online, on social networks, chat rooms, and gaming sites.
8) Set rules:
a) Never give out full name, address, city of residence, phone numbers, name or location of school, or age to anyone. If "Grandma" wants that information, she should be asking the parent. (I.e., it may not be "Grandma" who is asking.)
b) Never post or upload (or download) anything online that they wouldn't want to be seen on the front page of the newspaper.
c) Never send pictures of themselves online to people they don't know.
d) Never respond to (or initiate in anger) any messages that are belligerent, harassing, obscene, or
suggestive.
e) Never meet face-to-face with someone they meet online.
9) Encourage civil behavior. Be nice, or if you can't think of anything nice to say, say nothing at all. Treat others as you would like to be treated.
10) Encourage critical thinking. Don't believe everything you see on the internet. Be wary of strangers and their offer of money, gifts, etc.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Bounce Fabric Softener Sheets
This is another one of those viral e-mails. As I have said before, I would avoid having any dryer sheets in my home, but you might learn something useful here. When you check snopes.com, most of this is baloney...
1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.
Baloney. If you have ants and have cleaned the area of the food that is attracting them, and caulked up all the holes where they enter, then you could try a spicy blend to keep them away (cinnamon, basil, pepper, spearmint). But who wants spices on the floors? Clean with vinegar, and the vinegar itself is a repellent!
2. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don’t get opened too often.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda. Sprinkle it between pages and leave open to air out. Then brush out the baking soda.
3. Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet through a belt loop when you are outdoors.
Baloney. May even attract them. Again, you can make your own with herbs and essentials oils, but where do you find all that stuff? The best bet, although expensive, is lemon eucalyptus oil.
4. Eliminates static electricity from TV screen, wipe screen with a used sheet to keep dust from resettling.
Well, duh, it's used for static cling. But it will make the TV screen streaky. Try wiping with... vinegar!
5. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors by cleaning with a sheet.
Okay, may do the trick, but with elbow grease. Can use WD-40, but that's another petroleum product. Prevent soap scum from developing with regular vinegar clean-ups!
6. Freshen air in your home. Place a sheet in a drawer or hang in the closet.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda or cedar blocks.
7. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet before sewing.
Well... you can also run the thread across a wax candle, but do you really have that much of a problem with tangling?
8. Prevent musty suitcases. Place a sheet inside empty luggage before storing.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
9. Freshen air in your car. Place a sheet under front seat.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
10. Clean baked goods from pan. Put sheet in pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. Antistatic agent weakens bond.
Baloney. If you have a problem with things sticking to your baking pans, then invest in parchment to line baking sheets.
11. Eliminate odors in waste baskets, Place a sheet in bottom of basket.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
12. Collect cat hair.
Baloney. I would take a piece of packing tape, and put it sticky-side out around my hand. Then pat at the hair, while turning the tape to a clean area to capture more hair. Replace tape as needed.
13. Eliminate static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe blinds with a sheet to prevent dust from resettling.
Well, duh, it's used for static cling. Try wiping with vinegar.
14. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sandpapering. A used sheet is like tack cloth.
Baloney. Use packing tape, or better yet, vacuum!
15. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place a sheet in bottom of laundry bag or hamper.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda, or do the laundry!
16. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet in your shoes overnight.
It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
17. Golfers keep a sheet in their back pockets to keep the bees away.
Baloney. Leave the bees alone.
1. It will chase ants away when you lay a sheet near them.
Baloney. If you have ants and have cleaned the area of the food that is attracting them, and caulked up all the holes where they enter, then you could try a spicy blend to keep them away (cinnamon, basil, pepper, spearmint). But who wants spices on the floors? Clean with vinegar, and the vinegar itself is a repellent!
2. It takes the odor out of books and photo albums that don’t get opened too often.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda. Sprinkle it between pages and leave open to air out. Then brush out the baking soda.
3. Repels mosquitoes. Tie a sheet through a belt loop when you are outdoors.
Baloney. May even attract them. Again, you can make your own with herbs and essentials oils, but where do you find all that stuff? The best bet, although expensive, is lemon eucalyptus oil.
4. Eliminates static electricity from TV screen, wipe screen with a used sheet to keep dust from resettling.
Well, duh, it's used for static cling. But it will make the TV screen streaky. Try wiping with... vinegar!
5. Dissolve soap scum from shower doors by cleaning with a sheet.
Okay, may do the trick, but with elbow grease. Can use WD-40, but that's another petroleum product. Prevent soap scum from developing with regular vinegar clean-ups!
6. Freshen air in your home. Place a sheet in a drawer or hang in the closet.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda or cedar blocks.
7. Prevent thread from tangling. Run a threaded needle through a sheet before sewing.
Well... you can also run the thread across a wax candle, but do you really have that much of a problem with tangling?
8. Prevent musty suitcases. Place a sheet inside empty luggage before storing.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
9. Freshen air in your car. Place a sheet under front seat.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
10. Clean baked goods from pan. Put sheet in pan, fill with water, let sit overnight, and sponge clean. Antistatic agent weakens bond.
Baloney. If you have a problem with things sticking to your baking pans, then invest in parchment to line baking sheets.
11. Eliminate odors in waste baskets, Place a sheet in bottom of basket.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
12. Collect cat hair.
Baloney. I would take a piece of packing tape, and put it sticky-side out around my hand. Then pat at the hair, while turning the tape to a clean area to capture more hair. Replace tape as needed.
13. Eliminate static electricity from venetian blinds. Wipe blinds with a sheet to prevent dust from resettling.
Well, duh, it's used for static cling. Try wiping with vinegar.
14. Wipe up sawdust from drilling or sandpapering. A used sheet is like tack cloth.
Baloney. Use packing tape, or better yet, vacuum!
15. Eliminate odors in dirty laundry. Place a sheet in bottom of laundry bag or hamper.
Well... It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda, or do the laundry!
16. Deodorize shoes or sneakers. Place a sheet in your shoes overnight.
It replaces the smell with its own, and who wants that petroleum sheen on everything? Here I would use baking soda.
17. Golfers keep a sheet in their back pockets to keep the bees away.
Baloney. Leave the bees alone.
Criticizing
Back during my dark days of depression, everything irritated me. I remember criticizing your dad in front of you, with the purpose that you would learn what not to do or what you should do. We can't remember specifics (perhaps you can tell us what you remember!), but for example I would say he needed to help me more with housecleaning. My naive thought was that all the children would then learn to help their spouses/roommates more with housework.
This is wrong on so many counts!
Now, when hearing someone criticize another, I realized that what was really learned was that it is okay to criticize. Aargh! I know now it is NOT okay to criticize, at least in public! Oh, we can complain to our confidantes about the annoying behaviors of others, and vent our irritations to a close sibling, but we should hold our tongues in a public setting. And kids should not be privy to the troubles of their parents.
It is also "wrong" in that I was depressed and irritable, so no matter what your dad did, I was critical. If you find yourself being irritable, and wanting to complain about things (that didn't bother you at all in the past), look for the source of irritation. Of course, my clinical depression was then sorted out by medication, so I no longer was as irritable, nor as critical. (I fear I am naturally a critical person, though. But don't worry, the person of whom I am most critical is... myself.)
Even in my "normal times", I would occasionally start an argument with your dad. I eventually realized that we had a "fight" every time the night before your grandparents were to arrive for a visit. So my anxiety at the in-laws coming made me irritable and critical... (Now I am no longer anxious when they come!)
When I see others being critical, it appears "wrong" that they are making a big deal about some little thing that hardly matters. That's easy for me to say now, because when I was depressed, everything was a big deal. But if you feel like criticizing something, take a step back and ask if it really matters.
If it does matter, be specific. Needing more help with the housework doesn't give anyone a clue about what they can actually do. I have realized that no one can actually read my mind, and no one thinks like I do, so it's less likely they will be able to guess what I need.
And finally, can we make our criticism in a positive way? Maybe not, but starting out with a thanks for anything else that person does or means to you may help!
Dialog between men and women is another whole blog, but I can now say that I used to assume what your dad thought and felt and ... I was wrong!
It's odd how now I feel hurt whenever I see someone criticizing another in front of an audience ( I inwardly wince). Imagine how much hurt I was causing to everyone involved in the past! Je me regret! (I'm sorry, I regret it..)
This is wrong on so many counts!
Now, when hearing someone criticize another, I realized that what was really learned was that it is okay to criticize. Aargh! I know now it is NOT okay to criticize, at least in public! Oh, we can complain to our confidantes about the annoying behaviors of others, and vent our irritations to a close sibling, but we should hold our tongues in a public setting. And kids should not be privy to the troubles of their parents.
It is also "wrong" in that I was depressed and irritable, so no matter what your dad did, I was critical. If you find yourself being irritable, and wanting to complain about things (that didn't bother you at all in the past), look for the source of irritation. Of course, my clinical depression was then sorted out by medication, so I no longer was as irritable, nor as critical. (I fear I am naturally a critical person, though. But don't worry, the person of whom I am most critical is... myself.)
Even in my "normal times", I would occasionally start an argument with your dad. I eventually realized that we had a "fight" every time the night before your grandparents were to arrive for a visit. So my anxiety at the in-laws coming made me irritable and critical... (Now I am no longer anxious when they come!)
When I see others being critical, it appears "wrong" that they are making a big deal about some little thing that hardly matters. That's easy for me to say now, because when I was depressed, everything was a big deal. But if you feel like criticizing something, take a step back and ask if it really matters.
If it does matter, be specific. Needing more help with the housework doesn't give anyone a clue about what they can actually do. I have realized that no one can actually read my mind, and no one thinks like I do, so it's less likely they will be able to guess what I need.
And finally, can we make our criticism in a positive way? Maybe not, but starting out with a thanks for anything else that person does or means to you may help!
Dialog between men and women is another whole blog, but I can now say that I used to assume what your dad thought and felt and ... I was wrong!
It's odd how now I feel hurt whenever I see someone criticizing another in front of an audience ( I inwardly wince). Imagine how much hurt I was causing to everyone involved in the past! Je me regret! (I'm sorry, I regret it..)
Housecleaning 101
You know that I like to use vinegar (white distilled vinegar) and have already referenced the 1,001 Uses of Vinegar (http://www.vinegartips.com/Scripts/). It will disinfect, deodorize, and remove stains.
Housecleaning that is cheap, green, and healthy requires very little equipment. I use a rag, a rag towel, vinegar, baking soda, a Swiffer, and a vacuum cleaner! People don't realize that green-living saves not only the environment, but money as well!
The main principle of house cleaning is "from the top down". I could never understand seeing my girl scouts sweeping the floor before wiping off counters. They then had to sweep again. Start by wiping down ceiling light fixtures, ceiling fans, then window and door frames, tops of hanging picture frames and mirrors, then furniture. Vacuuming the floor should be last, after cleaning the baseboards!
Dusting: One of those microfiber "feather" dusters can do a temporary dusting, but a good dusting requires a damp cloth to wipe off the dust, and a clean cloth to wipe and "polish" the surface dry and to remove water spots. You can do this on polished wood, as well as counters, glass, porcelain, and chrome. Be sure to rinse the damp cloth often to remove dirt and dust, so that you aren't just swirling around the dust on your furniture. On surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom, I will splash a little vinegar on the damp cloth to do the wiping. It has been suggested to fill a spray-bottle with equal parts water and vinegar as an all-purpose cleaner, and you may find this easier to do. I just don't want to dirty or even own another plastic bottle!
Windows: You could use that all-purpose cleaner bottle of equal parts water and vinegar, or fill another bottle with water and 1/4 cup vinegar to clean glass and mirrors. Hey, I just splash vinegar on a damp cloth and clean. Then wipe dry with newspaper for a streak-free finish.
I have three levels of housecleaning:
1) Manly cleaning means a swipe with the feather duster and vacuuming only the floor surfaces that I can see.
2) Regular cleaning means dusting with a damp rag and removing, cleaning and replacing all items on the dusted furniture. All funiture is moved to make sure every square inch of floor surface is vacuumed.
3) Spring cleaning means everything is removed from shelves, closets, drawers, etc., is cleaned, and is replaced only if it is to be kept. Things that have outlived their usefulness get taken to Goodwill, or trashed if no longer usable.
Of course, the actual housecleaning that gets done is a variant of all three levels!
Housecleaning that is cheap, green, and healthy requires very little equipment. I use a rag, a rag towel, vinegar, baking soda, a Swiffer, and a vacuum cleaner! People don't realize that green-living saves not only the environment, but money as well!
The main principle of house cleaning is "from the top down". I could never understand seeing my girl scouts sweeping the floor before wiping off counters. They then had to sweep again. Start by wiping down ceiling light fixtures, ceiling fans, then window and door frames, tops of hanging picture frames and mirrors, then furniture. Vacuuming the floor should be last, after cleaning the baseboards!
Dusting: One of those microfiber "feather" dusters can do a temporary dusting, but a good dusting requires a damp cloth to wipe off the dust, and a clean cloth to wipe and "polish" the surface dry and to remove water spots. You can do this on polished wood, as well as counters, glass, porcelain, and chrome. Be sure to rinse the damp cloth often to remove dirt and dust, so that you aren't just swirling around the dust on your furniture. On surfaces in the kitchen and bathroom, I will splash a little vinegar on the damp cloth to do the wiping. It has been suggested to fill a spray-bottle with equal parts water and vinegar as an all-purpose cleaner, and you may find this easier to do. I just don't want to dirty or even own another plastic bottle!
Windows: You could use that all-purpose cleaner bottle of equal parts water and vinegar, or fill another bottle with water and 1/4 cup vinegar to clean glass and mirrors. Hey, I just splash vinegar on a damp cloth and clean. Then wipe dry with newspaper for a streak-free finish.
I have three levels of housecleaning:
1) Manly cleaning means a swipe with the feather duster and vacuuming only the floor surfaces that I can see.
2) Regular cleaning means dusting with a damp rag and removing, cleaning and replacing all items on the dusted furniture. All funiture is moved to make sure every square inch of floor surface is vacuumed.
3) Spring cleaning means everything is removed from shelves, closets, drawers, etc., is cleaned, and is replaced only if it is to be kept. Things that have outlived their usefulness get taken to Goodwill, or trashed if no longer usable.
Of course, the actual housecleaning that gets done is a variant of all three levels!
Laundry - Drying
Drying laundered clothing should be simple - right?
If time and space and homeowners' associations permit, hanging clothes on a line outdoors is the best! In terms of energy conservation and money, that is. The dried clothes may be a little stiff when dry, but should shake out easily. If not, you may be using too much laundry detergent.
Okay, most of us use the dryer.
1) Make sure clothes are not sopping wet. The better wrung-out the clothes are, the faster they will dry. Sometimes the last spin cycle on your washing machine needs to be repeated to get most of the water out of the clothes. The best thing about front-loading washing machines is that they do a great job of wringing out water. (And don't leave damp clothes in the washing machine too long, they may get musty and moldy.)
2) When transferring items from the washing machine to the dryer, shake them out. That tightly wadded and twisted sheet will not dry as fast as the one you shake open. And that pair of underpants wadded inside the twisted sheet probably won't dry at all!
3) It's best to remove things from the dryer as soon as the dryer is stopped. Immediately hanging and folding clothes minimizes wrinkles. But I think that is no longer a "must-do" in today's world.
4) Clean the lint trap after each load. You will see how much lint is accumulated. A film of lint prevents air circulation and slows the drying process. The dryer vent should also be cleaned periodically (annually) to keep the vent open to allow more efficient drying. I am not so worried about a possible fire if the vent is blocked, as I am of damp clothes, and the electricity being used as the dryer continues to run and run!
DRYER SHEETS or Bounce:
Do not use. There are many uses for Bounce sheets which can be another blog, but they should be avoided altogether. Just think of them as sheets soaked with petroleum, and that might make you stay away from them.
1) Fabric softener? If your clothes are coming out that stiff, it's because of too much soap or laundry detergent. Cut back on the amount you use. Washing clothes is more about the tossing and turning than it is about the detergent. No need to worry about using too little detergent.
2) Static cling? Natural fabrics (except silk) don't have static cling problems. Using vinegar in the laundry machine will reduce static cling. Or put a small safety pin in the waistband or inner seam of the offending item when you are wearing it.
3) There is no need to add a scent to your clothing, either through the dryer sheets or detergent. If your clothes are clean and without a smell, that's fantastic! But if you must make your clothes smell nice, than use something natural, like real dried lavendar or cedar blocks.
4) Dryer sheets tend to add an invisible "sheen" to items, and is especially a problem with towels. Try drying a washed car with a towel that was dried with a dryer sheet. Doesn't absorb any water!
5) Dryer sheets tend to line your lint trap with an invisible "sheen" so that your dryer has to work harder. Keep that lint trap clean!
6) Dryer sheets tend to coat the electronic moisture sensor with residue, and your dryer will not run efficiently.
There is too much evidence of petroleum products causing cancer and the like, so I stay away from fabric softener dryer sheets.
If time and space and homeowners' associations permit, hanging clothes on a line outdoors is the best! In terms of energy conservation and money, that is. The dried clothes may be a little stiff when dry, but should shake out easily. If not, you may be using too much laundry detergent.
Okay, most of us use the dryer.
1) Make sure clothes are not sopping wet. The better wrung-out the clothes are, the faster they will dry. Sometimes the last spin cycle on your washing machine needs to be repeated to get most of the water out of the clothes. The best thing about front-loading washing machines is that they do a great job of wringing out water. (And don't leave damp clothes in the washing machine too long, they may get musty and moldy.)
2) When transferring items from the washing machine to the dryer, shake them out. That tightly wadded and twisted sheet will not dry as fast as the one you shake open. And that pair of underpants wadded inside the twisted sheet probably won't dry at all!
3) It's best to remove things from the dryer as soon as the dryer is stopped. Immediately hanging and folding clothes minimizes wrinkles. But I think that is no longer a "must-do" in today's world.
4) Clean the lint trap after each load. You will see how much lint is accumulated. A film of lint prevents air circulation and slows the drying process. The dryer vent should also be cleaned periodically (annually) to keep the vent open to allow more efficient drying. I am not so worried about a possible fire if the vent is blocked, as I am of damp clothes, and the electricity being used as the dryer continues to run and run!
DRYER SHEETS or Bounce:
Do not use. There are many uses for Bounce sheets which can be another blog, but they should be avoided altogether. Just think of them as sheets soaked with petroleum, and that might make you stay away from them.
1) Fabric softener? If your clothes are coming out that stiff, it's because of too much soap or laundry detergent. Cut back on the amount you use. Washing clothes is more about the tossing and turning than it is about the detergent. No need to worry about using too little detergent.
2) Static cling? Natural fabrics (except silk) don't have static cling problems. Using vinegar in the laundry machine will reduce static cling. Or put a small safety pin in the waistband or inner seam of the offending item when you are wearing it.
3) There is no need to add a scent to your clothing, either through the dryer sheets or detergent. If your clothes are clean and without a smell, that's fantastic! But if you must make your clothes smell nice, than use something natural, like real dried lavendar or cedar blocks.
4) Dryer sheets tend to add an invisible "sheen" to items, and is especially a problem with towels. Try drying a washed car with a towel that was dried with a dryer sheet. Doesn't absorb any water!
5) Dryer sheets tend to line your lint trap with an invisible "sheen" so that your dryer has to work harder. Keep that lint trap clean!
6) Dryer sheets tend to coat the electronic moisture sensor with residue, and your dryer will not run efficiently.
There is too much evidence of petroleum products causing cancer and the like, so I stay away from fabric softener dryer sheets.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Finance - Checks
Do you young folks still have checkbooks?
It is common knowledge these days, but in the past it was done: Do not have your social security number printed on your checks. It's been suggested not to print your full name or your address on the checks, but these days, anyone can look up your name and address. And some retailers will not accept such checks. No need for your phone number or your driver's license info on the check. If the retailer needs such information, they can write it on the one check.
Use a ball point pen, so that an intercepted check can't be laundered and altered.
Don't write a check out for "Cash". Instead write it out to your name.
Print in capital letters, everything except your signature.
Write only the last four digits of your account number on the "For" line when paying by check, if you write anything at all.
When cashing a check, do not endorse it (sign the back) until you are at the teller window. If depositing the check, write "For deposit only" after your signature.
If mailing a check, do not put the envelope in your street-side mailbox for the mail carrier to pick up, as someone else can intercept it. I myself prefer dropping off mail inside the post office.
Keep unused checks in a secure place, so that no one can learn of your account number or bank routing information.
Review your monthly statement and balance your checkbook to insure there are no unauthorized transactions. Better yet, go online to keep an eye on your accounts.
It's too bad we have to be so careful.
It is common knowledge these days, but in the past it was done: Do not have your social security number printed on your checks. It's been suggested not to print your full name or your address on the checks, but these days, anyone can look up your name and address. And some retailers will not accept such checks. No need for your phone number or your driver's license info on the check. If the retailer needs such information, they can write it on the one check.
Use a ball point pen, so that an intercepted check can't be laundered and altered.
Don't write a check out for "Cash". Instead write it out to your name.
Print in capital letters, everything except your signature.
Write only the last four digits of your account number on the "For" line when paying by check, if you write anything at all.
When cashing a check, do not endorse it (sign the back) until you are at the teller window. If depositing the check, write "For deposit only" after your signature.
If mailing a check, do not put the envelope in your street-side mailbox for the mail carrier to pick up, as someone else can intercept it. I myself prefer dropping off mail inside the post office.
Keep unused checks in a secure place, so that no one can learn of your account number or bank routing information.
Review your monthly statement and balance your checkbook to insure there are no unauthorized transactions. Better yet, go online to keep an eye on your accounts.
It's too bad we have to be so careful.
Safety - Frightening a Burglar or Attacker
One of those viral e-mails suggests you keep your car keys with you at all times, to use the panic button in cases of someone breaking into your house or someone attacking you.
While the car alarm you set off may deter the burglar or attacker, it may also annoy your neighbors, who tend to ignore car alarms.
So while I may use the panic button during a personal attack, I would not assume the noise of a car alarm guarantees the attacker will back off. Be ready with other strategies. Another viral e-mail suggests keeping a can of wasp spray to use against attackers, but that may be illegal. If you happen to have a can of wasp spray, then use it! Carrying around wasp or pepper sprays, or any type of weapon, is NOT widely encouraged, because the attacker can grab the weapon and use it against you!
The number one thing to do when attacked is to run and scream. If you can't run, try an elbow or knee to the solar plexus (belly button area to knock the breath out of the attacker) or try a knee or kick to the groin (if the attacker is male). And scream! If the attacker pulls out a gun and you haven't been trained to disarm him, perhaps being passive will lessen injury, but that is not guaranteed. Now, I am talking about a physical attack. If he just wants your money, then perhaps you could throw your wallet in one direction, then run in the other direction and scream.
As for burglars, turning on a light may deter him as much as a car or house alarm going off. I've accidently set off my house alarm, and I don't think any neighbor would respond. And many of you do not even have car or house alarms!
Other deterrents:
1) Lock your doors and windows (duh!).
2) Secure outdoor furniture and try to put away tools, etc. Don't leave a shovel out to help a burglar break your window.
3) If you can't afford a security alarm system, maybe you can get the sign or decal to put up.
4) In the same vein, put up a security camera (even if it doesn't work!).
5) Plant spikey, prickly plants under windows.
6) Own a dog! Or put up a "Beware of Dog" sign!
And pray that you do not become a statistic.
While the car alarm you set off may deter the burglar or attacker, it may also annoy your neighbors, who tend to ignore car alarms.
So while I may use the panic button during a personal attack, I would not assume the noise of a car alarm guarantees the attacker will back off. Be ready with other strategies. Another viral e-mail suggests keeping a can of wasp spray to use against attackers, but that may be illegal. If you happen to have a can of wasp spray, then use it! Carrying around wasp or pepper sprays, or any type of weapon, is NOT widely encouraged, because the attacker can grab the weapon and use it against you!
The number one thing to do when attacked is to run and scream. If you can't run, try an elbow or knee to the solar plexus (belly button area to knock the breath out of the attacker) or try a knee or kick to the groin (if the attacker is male). And scream! If the attacker pulls out a gun and you haven't been trained to disarm him, perhaps being passive will lessen injury, but that is not guaranteed. Now, I am talking about a physical attack. If he just wants your money, then perhaps you could throw your wallet in one direction, then run in the other direction and scream.
As for burglars, turning on a light may deter him as much as a car or house alarm going off. I've accidently set off my house alarm, and I don't think any neighbor would respond. And many of you do not even have car or house alarms!
Other deterrents:
1) Lock your doors and windows (duh!).
2) Secure outdoor furniture and try to put away tools, etc. Don't leave a shovel out to help a burglar break your window.
3) If you can't afford a security alarm system, maybe you can get the sign or decal to put up.
4) In the same vein, put up a security camera (even if it doesn't work!).
5) Plant spikey, prickly plants under windows.
6) Own a dog! Or put up a "Beware of Dog" sign!
And pray that you do not become a statistic.
Etiquette - Thank-you Notes
Thank-you notes are still a must-do!
In this day and age, we are accepting e-mail thank-you notes, and maybe even Tweets. Or a phone call or a text message.
Thank-you notes do much more than relay your undying gratitude for a gift or deed. The single most important purpose of the thank-you note is to let the sender know that the gift/deed was received. Especially when it involves money! Or when a gift is sent from a third party (i.e., an online retail store). If we order a registry gift, usually the only way we know it was received is via a note from the receiver. So, please, send a quick thank-you, or at least an I-received-it note!
Need help remembering to send a thank-you? Do not deposit or cash a gift check until you have sent a note. Do not use any gift until you have sent a note. Have your child send a note before being allowed to play with a gift toy.
Get the kids into the habit. Let us return to an era of consideration and respect for others. Do not take a gifter for granted and do feel some gratitude for those who are thinking of you.
Thank you!
In this day and age, we are accepting e-mail thank-you notes, and maybe even Tweets. Or a phone call or a text message.
Thank-you notes do much more than relay your undying gratitude for a gift or deed. The single most important purpose of the thank-you note is to let the sender know that the gift/deed was received. Especially when it involves money! Or when a gift is sent from a third party (i.e., an online retail store). If we order a registry gift, usually the only way we know it was received is via a note from the receiver. So, please, send a quick thank-you, or at least an I-received-it note!
Need help remembering to send a thank-you? Do not deposit or cash a gift check until you have sent a note. Do not use any gift until you have sent a note. Have your child send a note before being allowed to play with a gift toy.
Get the kids into the habit. Let us return to an era of consideration and respect for others. Do not take a gifter for granted and do feel some gratitude for those who are thinking of you.
Thank you!
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Finance - Credit Card Safety
A viral e-mail forwards advice like:
1) Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED'. (If your bank provides the service, have your photo put directly on your credit card; Bank of America does this.)
2) If you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four digits. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it. (Also, if sending payment checks by mail, do not leave them in a streetside mailbox for the carrier to pick up, as someone else may intercept it.)
3) If your credit cards are lost or stolen, cancel the credit cards immediately. The key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them, whether you are at home or on the road.
4) File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
5) Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.
a) Equifax: 800-525-6285
b) Experian (formerly TRW): 888-397-3742
c) Trans Union : 800-680-7289
d) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 877-438-4338
6) In addition, place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.... Keep the photocopy in a safe place. Also carry a photocopy of your passport when you travel either here or abroad.
Generally, limit the number of credit cards that you have or carry, so that if a problem arises, you do not have to as much damage control to do. Only carry the credit cards that you absolutely need and keep your other credit cards locked up in a personal safe. Having more than one credit card is good for credit purposes and gives you a larger credit limit in case of emergencies, but you probably don't need more than three different credit cards. You may additionally have some specialty credit cards (gas, department store, etc.), but keep track of them all.
Pay off the full credit card amount every month. If you are unable to do so, you are spending beyond your means. It makes little sense to accrue interest fees and late fees, when you are already unable to pay your bills.
Other common sense advice:
1) Never give out credit card info (or Social Security number) over the phone unless you initiated the call, and never over a cordless phone. One common scam is when someone calls you "back" right after you place an order, claims to be from the merchant and tells you that there was a problem with your card number -- would you mind giving it to them again? The best thing to do is ask for a contact name and call the merchant back at the number you used originally.
2) Look for secure checkout when using your credit card to make purchases online. The URL address should include "https:" and often there is a lock icon on your browser. Try to use only well-known retailers. Do not respond to any e-mail asking for credit card information; immediately delete it.
3) Make certain you get your card (and photo ID) back after you make a purchase! Have the clerk give you the sales slips of any cancelled or voided transactions, so that you can personally destroy them.
4) Check your monthly statement to make certain all charges are your own, and immediately notify the card issuer of any errors or unauthorized charges. Which means: Save receipts, all of them! Don't leave them with the retailer. (You can shred receipts after you have balanced your monthly statement.)
5) Never lend your card to anyone, and don’t leave cards or receipts lying around your room, no matter where you live.
6) Oh, my gosh! But I'll say it anyway - don't write down your PIN (credit card PIN for cash advance) anywhere near your credit card, and try to cover the keypad when you punch in the PIN.
7) Shred all those pre-approved credit card offers, and unsolicited credit card applications. Shred old credit card statements. Shred old credit card receipts.
Good luck! As hard as you try, you may not be able to avoid "identity theft", but let's hope for the best!
1) Do not sign the back of your credit cards. Instead, put 'PHOTO ID REQUIRED'. (If your bank provides the service, have your photo put directly on your credit card; Bank of America does this.)
2) If you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the 'For' line. Instead, just put the last four digits. The credit card company knows the rest of the number, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won't have access to it. (Also, if sending payment checks by mail, do not leave them in a streetside mailbox for the carrier to pick up, as someone else may intercept it.)
3) If your credit cards are lost or stolen, cancel the credit cards immediately. The key is having the toll free numbers and your card numbers handy so you know whom to call. Keep those where you can find them, whether you are at home or on the road.
4) File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if there ever is one).
5) Call the three national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and also call the Social Security fraud line number.
a) Equifax: 800-525-6285
b) Experian (formerly TRW): 888-397-3742
c) Trans Union : 800-680-7289
d) Social Security Administration (fraud line): 877-438-4338
6) In addition, place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel.... Keep the photocopy in a safe place. Also carry a photocopy of your passport when you travel either here or abroad.
Generally, limit the number of credit cards that you have or carry, so that if a problem arises, you do not have to as much damage control to do. Only carry the credit cards that you absolutely need and keep your other credit cards locked up in a personal safe. Having more than one credit card is good for credit purposes and gives you a larger credit limit in case of emergencies, but you probably don't need more than three different credit cards. You may additionally have some specialty credit cards (gas, department store, etc.), but keep track of them all.
Pay off the full credit card amount every month. If you are unable to do so, you are spending beyond your means. It makes little sense to accrue interest fees and late fees, when you are already unable to pay your bills.
Other common sense advice:
1) Never give out credit card info (or Social Security number) over the phone unless you initiated the call, and never over a cordless phone. One common scam is when someone calls you "back" right after you place an order, claims to be from the merchant and tells you that there was a problem with your card number -- would you mind giving it to them again? The best thing to do is ask for a contact name and call the merchant back at the number you used originally.
2) Look for secure checkout when using your credit card to make purchases online. The URL address should include "https:" and often there is a lock icon on your browser. Try to use only well-known retailers. Do not respond to any e-mail asking for credit card information; immediately delete it.
3) Make certain you get your card (and photo ID) back after you make a purchase! Have the clerk give you the sales slips of any cancelled or voided transactions, so that you can personally destroy them.
4) Check your monthly statement to make certain all charges are your own, and immediately notify the card issuer of any errors or unauthorized charges. Which means: Save receipts, all of them! Don't leave them with the retailer. (You can shred receipts after you have balanced your monthly statement.)
5) Never lend your card to anyone, and don’t leave cards or receipts lying around your room, no matter where you live.
6) Oh, my gosh! But I'll say it anyway - don't write down your PIN (credit card PIN for cash advance) anywhere near your credit card, and try to cover the keypad when you punch in the PIN.
7) Shred all those pre-approved credit card offers, and unsolicited credit card applications. Shred old credit card statements. Shred old credit card receipts.
Good luck! As hard as you try, you may not be able to avoid "identity theft", but let's hope for the best!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Weight Watching - An Addiction?
I can understand the cravings, the not being able to stop, the hunger.
Part of this need made me realize early that I was probably prone to addictions. I happily embraced not liking the smell of cigarettes (and later, marijuana). I was glad that I didn’t like the smell of beer or alcohol. Any tastes of those “vices” just confirmed what the smell told me: yuck! I was happy because I felt that if I had liked them, I would have taken up smoking or drinking and I would become addicted; I would be the chain-smoker, the alcoholic.
(Another big factor that kept me from drugs and drinking was that I didn’t want to lose control. I had fainted too many times as a pre-teen, and it’s an awful feeling to regain consciousness and not know what has happened. Worse was after surgery, where I couldn’t remember getting dressed or speaking with the doctor – so, to not remember things I had actually done! This loss of control may, or may not, bother you!)
So perhaps I became addicted to eating. I used to be gung-ho about things. About running, cooking, gardening, cleaning. Some would say I am obsessive-compulsive about such things. So did I become gung-ho about eating? The only problem is, I didn't want to be gung-ho about eating. Why can't I be gung-ho about not eating? (Well, first of all, it is equally as dangerous to starve yourself.)
And then what happens when you do eat the right things and exercise, and still you gain weight? That is a conundrum the medical world has not yet figured out.
In a normal world, you can listen to your body and it will tell you what you need. But these days, our bodies are so out of balance, that it begins telling you that you need more fat or sugar or ...
What can we do?
Step one: can you figure out why you are eating so much, or eating the wrong things?
Are you eating because you are bored? If you are simply bored and find yourself going to eat, that’s when you should substitute another activity, like going to the gym or knitting.
Are you eating because of association? You can get into a bad habit by reading when you eat, which becomes eating whenever you read. So you should eat at a dining room table and do nothing else, and then you’ll want to hurry and finish eating to get back to your reading! Also, do not eat when watching TV.
Are you eating to stay awake? Instead of eating, chew (sugarless) gum.
Are you eating because you are depressed? Sometimes you don’t really feel depressed or sad. Maybe anxious, or frustrated. Maybe angry or irritated. And you eat to feel better, and often you do feel better, and that makes you want to eat more to feel even better, etc. This is the hard one to solve. A good night’s sleep is the best thing to deal with a normal immediate depression, anxiety, anger, fear, etc. Your body repairs itself and gets itself back into balance during different sleep phases. All these feelings are normal if they last a day or two. It is not normal if they last weeks. That is when you need medical help to get things back in balance.
If you can figure out a specific reason for eating binges, then hopefully you can find a solution. But when you can’t figure it out, it sure makes it harder.
Part of this need made me realize early that I was probably prone to addictions. I happily embraced not liking the smell of cigarettes (and later, marijuana). I was glad that I didn’t like the smell of beer or alcohol. Any tastes of those “vices” just confirmed what the smell told me: yuck! I was happy because I felt that if I had liked them, I would have taken up smoking or drinking and I would become addicted; I would be the chain-smoker, the alcoholic.
(Another big factor that kept me from drugs and drinking was that I didn’t want to lose control. I had fainted too many times as a pre-teen, and it’s an awful feeling to regain consciousness and not know what has happened. Worse was after surgery, where I couldn’t remember getting dressed or speaking with the doctor – so, to not remember things I had actually done! This loss of control may, or may not, bother you!)
So perhaps I became addicted to eating. I used to be gung-ho about things. About running, cooking, gardening, cleaning. Some would say I am obsessive-compulsive about such things. So did I become gung-ho about eating? The only problem is, I didn't want to be gung-ho about eating. Why can't I be gung-ho about not eating? (Well, first of all, it is equally as dangerous to starve yourself.)
And then what happens when you do eat the right things and exercise, and still you gain weight? That is a conundrum the medical world has not yet figured out.
In a normal world, you can listen to your body and it will tell you what you need. But these days, our bodies are so out of balance, that it begins telling you that you need more fat or sugar or ...
What can we do?
Step one: can you figure out why you are eating so much, or eating the wrong things?
Are you eating because you are bored? If you are simply bored and find yourself going to eat, that’s when you should substitute another activity, like going to the gym or knitting.
Are you eating because of association? You can get into a bad habit by reading when you eat, which becomes eating whenever you read. So you should eat at a dining room table and do nothing else, and then you’ll want to hurry and finish eating to get back to your reading! Also, do not eat when watching TV.
Are you eating to stay awake? Instead of eating, chew (sugarless) gum.
Are you eating because you are depressed? Sometimes you don’t really feel depressed or sad. Maybe anxious, or frustrated. Maybe angry or irritated. And you eat to feel better, and often you do feel better, and that makes you want to eat more to feel even better, etc. This is the hard one to solve. A good night’s sleep is the best thing to deal with a normal immediate depression, anxiety, anger, fear, etc. Your body repairs itself and gets itself back into balance during different sleep phases. All these feelings are normal if they last a day or two. It is not normal if they last weeks. That is when you need medical help to get things back in balance.
If you can figure out a specific reason for eating binges, then hopefully you can find a solution. But when you can’t figure it out, it sure makes it harder.
Laundry Tip - Sorting?
I think everyone knows about sorting laundry, especially separating whites and colors. You used to have to separate delicates from heavier items like towels, too!
But sometimes you don't have enough clothing to fill the washing machine, and you always want a full load. For the environment's sake, don't waste water and wash partial loads!
Now, I am actually going to recommend a commercial product! I know I try to use natural products, but this time... I use Color Catcher by Shout. You throw a small sheet in the washing machine with a mixture of whites and colors, and if any colors are going to run, this sheet magically collects them. You can re-use the sheet for multiple loads, until it turns a dark purplish gray and you feel like it has soaked up enough color!
We have a front-loading washing machine, which recommends that you combine a variety of weights of clothing. So the towels don't get washed separately. If you have something so delicate that you wouldn't put it in with a towel, perhaps it needs to be handwashed.
So instead of sorting, I hope as you add clothes to the washing machine, you are:
1) Checking all pockets (Sometimes the only allowance I receive is change from pockets, with an occasional bonus of a dollar bill! Although money goes through the wash without a problem, it's the tissue and crayons that you want to keep out of the washing machine!).
2) Pre-treating all stains (If you don't have time to scrub them by hand, then by all means, use the Shout Stain Remover. I prefer the gel over the spray, since the gel goes right on the stain, while the spray goes everywhere!).
3) Treating all stinky spots with vinegar (See Laundry Tip - Vinegar).
4) Making sure all velcro closures are closed, so that the "hooks" aren't exposed to grab at other clothing.
5) Closing all zippers.
6) Hooking bras, again so that hooks aren't free to grab.
7) Unbunching socks (a scrunched-up sock will stay that way and not seem to get clean inside the crunched parts!).
8) Tying strings together, like the strings on a hooded sweatshirt or on a men's bathing suit. If you don't tie them together, one end could get caught on a velcro hook and get pulled out entirely. And what a pain it is to string it back through!
But sometimes you don't have enough clothing to fill the washing machine, and you always want a full load. For the environment's sake, don't waste water and wash partial loads!
Now, I am actually going to recommend a commercial product! I know I try to use natural products, but this time... I use Color Catcher by Shout. You throw a small sheet in the washing machine with a mixture of whites and colors, and if any colors are going to run, this sheet magically collects them. You can re-use the sheet for multiple loads, until it turns a dark purplish gray and you feel like it has soaked up enough color!
We have a front-loading washing machine, which recommends that you combine a variety of weights of clothing. So the towels don't get washed separately. If you have something so delicate that you wouldn't put it in with a towel, perhaps it needs to be handwashed.
So instead of sorting, I hope as you add clothes to the washing machine, you are:
1) Checking all pockets (Sometimes the only allowance I receive is change from pockets, with an occasional bonus of a dollar bill! Although money goes through the wash without a problem, it's the tissue and crayons that you want to keep out of the washing machine!).
2) Pre-treating all stains (If you don't have time to scrub them by hand, then by all means, use the Shout Stain Remover. I prefer the gel over the spray, since the gel goes right on the stain, while the spray goes everywhere!).
3) Treating all stinky spots with vinegar (See Laundry Tip - Vinegar).
4) Making sure all velcro closures are closed, so that the "hooks" aren't exposed to grab at other clothing.
5) Closing all zippers.
6) Hooking bras, again so that hooks aren't free to grab.
7) Unbunching socks (a scrunched-up sock will stay that way and not seem to get clean inside the crunched parts!).
8) Tying strings together, like the strings on a hooded sweatshirt or on a men's bathing suit. If you don't tie them together, one end could get caught on a velcro hook and get pulled out entirely. And what a pain it is to string it back through!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Weight Watching - The Basics
Remember that it is harder to lose weight when you are older (over 40 years). The only advice I can give is: try not to gain the weight in the first place.
That can be difficult, because you have to juggle so many things.
Yes, if you take in fewer calories, and burn off more calories, the math should result in decreased weight. However, there are two other important factors that make the math more complicated.
1) Stress. If you can reduce stress in your life, do it. Unfortunately, stress is just a part of life these days, so you have to do all kinds of things to counter stress - like breate, laugh, sing, exercise, play, hug or be hugged. Now, those things that people usually do to cope with stress, like alcohol, drugs, smoking, or physical violence, will make things worse in the long run.
2) Sleep. Sleep is important for your body to get itself back in balance. Get your 7-8 hours per night. (More sleep than that can be unhealthy!).
As you get older, you should be eating less because your metabolism is slowing down. I know how difficult that is to do, because I love to eat, and to try new foods, and...
So you think you will just exercise more, but then your body won't let you exercise at the same pace, because of arthritic knees and sore backs, getting dizzy or losing your vision. That makes it more stressful... You can see the vicious circle going on here.
Develop a life routine of eating moderately at regular intervals, exercising or playing regularly, and sleeping at consistent time. The same routine or schedule very day.
Yeah, right!
That can be difficult, because you have to juggle so many things.
Yes, if you take in fewer calories, and burn off more calories, the math should result in decreased weight. However, there are two other important factors that make the math more complicated.
1) Stress. If you can reduce stress in your life, do it. Unfortunately, stress is just a part of life these days, so you have to do all kinds of things to counter stress - like breate, laugh, sing, exercise, play, hug or be hugged. Now, those things that people usually do to cope with stress, like alcohol, drugs, smoking, or physical violence, will make things worse in the long run.
2) Sleep. Sleep is important for your body to get itself back in balance. Get your 7-8 hours per night. (More sleep than that can be unhealthy!).
As you get older, you should be eating less because your metabolism is slowing down. I know how difficult that is to do, because I love to eat, and to try new foods, and...
So you think you will just exercise more, but then your body won't let you exercise at the same pace, because of arthritic knees and sore backs, getting dizzy or losing your vision. That makes it more stressful... You can see the vicious circle going on here.
Develop a life routine of eating moderately at regular intervals, exercising or playing regularly, and sleeping at consistent time. The same routine or schedule very day.
Yeah, right!
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